This page written circa 1 April, 2001.
Kay and Meri and Teddy stayed in Aus after the tribulations
of last week.
I have returned to Santa Rosa for 5 weeks, but I have to cross the
Pacific again in May for ISCAS which is in Sydney.
So it is I am alone again.
A marvellous vista greeted me upon my return:
The lawn had grown inches in the 12 days
of absence, the maple has begun to leaf, the apple trees are a mass
of blossom, the strawberries are spreading,
the garden is abuzz with insects, the California poppies
and the wildflowers are in full swing. Spring has arrived like
shockwave. The seasons in Sydney are so alike, but here Summer is
just glorious, warm, long, dry, full of life, compared to Winter
which is drab, wet, dark, and depressing. If it snowed as it does in
the East it might be less depressing (I think snow beats mud, Dan).
I understood, coming to live here, the impact that the passing of
Summer could have to promote Seasonal Affective Disorder.
I read about this condition over the years in New Scientist and passed
it off as a malady of the weak minded. The onset of depression is
palpable. The garden becomes dull and in places impassable, or not
worth passing. It is like coming off a high. Conversely, I positively
feel the thrill Danny described, even if it is
spread thinly over a season rather than being heaped on one night.
I wrote before about restarting
the great engine to banish the dark side of solitude.
The steam is rising again, but it is pushing against an extra load:
I miss Merinda tremendously. Kay not any more than last time.
Not Teddy yet---he is more cute than loving.
But I worry in case something was to happen to Meri. I would be very
wounded if I lost her now. I recall in 1978 not being able to
appreciate what Godfrey was feeling when his little daughter
died, and the photos of her on his wall leapt out at me when I
visited last month. I do not think I like being this dependent
upon a single, fragile thing. Nevertheless, there it is, I am pining
for her hugs.
I write this page to record that I have two new factors bearing on my
state of happiness. Both have a price: For Summer I pay with Winter,
for the love of Merinda and Kay I pay with the risk of losing them.
I remain unsure about whether the upsides are each worth their prices,
but there is no doubt in my mind that they enable living in Santa Rosa.