Eat, Pray, Love

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0879870/

This page written circa 17 November, 2024.

My friend Barbara said to me recently that she thinks I look much happier than I did a year ago. Apparently it shows in my skin. I do indeed feel much happier on the inside.

'Eat Pray Love' (sans commas) was a surprise best-selling book, and a decently successful film with good actors. I watched it, over a decade ago, and quite enjoyed it. Exiting a marriage lacking passion and an affair lacking depth, the heroine spends a year in Italy, India, and Bali "finding herself", and going from not-so-happy to deliriously happy. For me, at that time, the film had a few memorable memes, example something to the effect of: "Don't worry too much what your body looks like, once you are naked men don't tend to complain. He will think he has won the lottery." (Funny the above moment is not in the list of quotable quotes on IMDb.) A DVD of this film would be lumped in the 'chick flick' category.

The pictures at right show the author of the autobiographical book, and Julia Roberts playing her. Roberts does "slightly happy" quite well. She has to go from this state gradually up to "extremely happy" by the end, which she pulls off with the aid of her magnificently-expandable smile.

I watched the film again last night. Being in a position to properly identify with the character, very different things stuck with me. She leaves a marriage and then a subsequent fling because the spark had gone from the marriage, and the fling had no depth, and she was simply not happy, not satisfied with her life. In the 'eat' phase she re-learns to enjoy her own company, appreciate simple pleasures like eating modest but lovingly-prepared food, and taking time to value the "sweetness of doing nothing"; In the 'pray' phase she adds the appreciation of work or service that suits your skills; In the 'love' phase she comes to benefit from doing things for people she admires. She "finds herself", so now we come to see what the phrase means... love yourself, appreciate what you have, find satisfying work, associate with people you respect, help those who need you (my summary).

Finally she "falls in love". In romantic recovery tales this is the 'return to getting laid' phase. Fundamentally, Roberts's character became ready to take the risk of getting close to someone. The story could have finished without the lovey-dovey overload of this last bit, but then it would not have so much of the 'romantic' content viewers so crave. In Shirley Valentine, this phase is delicately handled, and free of gratuitous 'serious love'.

I used the word deliriously above mindful of its proper meaning of "in a way that shows a lack of clear thinking or speech, often due to fever or mental confusion", particularly because I cannot see a good, logical reason that the cycle might not repeat itself. That is not a criticism of the story. In truth, homo sapiens is not much good at assessing the prospects for a relationship. I guess we get better every time. Additionally, here is a blueprint for a cure, and the cure is pretty good stuff even if you don't have the malady.

I know a Catholic local who does not love her husband, sleeps in a separate bedroom, is generally annoyed by him, but does not leave because those were the rules of the game when she signed up. She works full time, and cooks for two grown children still at home. That is a serious level of commitment. I always considered myself a very loyal person, but I think I could not manage her level. Plus, I do not think it makes sense.

Reading "Committed", Elizabeth Gilbert's sequel book, you discover that, despite swearing off marriage, the autobiographical heroine will have to marry Javier Bardem's character if she wants to get him entry to the USA. Test of commitment. Here is a more consistent ending to the story! We see that our heroine has not forgotten the lessons of the cycle. Despite being "in love", and it is portrayed in film and book sequel as very intense love (cue the widest-possible Roberts smile, which is pretty bloody wide, eat your heart out Martha Raye), she does not want to throw away the self she worked to find.
I can't blame her for that.

Is committment like 'a contract', or is it 'best intentions'?
I had always thought of it more like the former. This view made sense in the case where one accepts the responsibility that comes with voluntarily having children. Now that reproduction is not an option, and in view of the risk associated with embarking on any 'committed relationship', I am inclined to think of it as the latter.

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